She was left-handed, but not typically so. It’s often said that left-handers are smaller than average and rather more creative. Neither could be especially attributed to her. Instead, she was a good five foot nine, or five eight and three quarters to be exact, and it was only on a rare occasion that creativity was something she took to. There was one thing that did stand out though, it was the strange habit of doing almost everything, in a totally counter-intuitive way.
It was as if the intention was to bamboozle the close observer.
A bit like watching your own reflection in a mirror when attempting some difficult task. If you’ve ever cut your own hair for example, it can take some time to hold the scissors or clippers correctly, before getting it right. It seems awkward and confusing at first. And so in this respect, when seemingly good advice was given, it was either completely ignored, or the opposite response – to a situation or problem – was the action taken.
We could analyse, that this response to advice, was done as a means of gaining a sense of control or personal power. Perhaps it was done as a means of disempowering the adviser or simply for attention. Nevertheless, good, well meaning advice, wasn’t ever properly acted on, so the girl in the mirror, tended to be the one left feeling rather bamboozled.
We can compare this kind of behaviour to a willful child.
As adults we can give children well meaning, good advice, yet know in our hearts, that it will often go unheeded. Ultimately children need to learn for themselves. Perhaps the image in the mirror was only a reflection of her younger self: the child that felt a sense of power, through being belligerent, before those she saw as authoritative.
Of course, if all they’ve know are the weak and abusive, a frightened child will see most, if not all adults, as figures of authority. If, as a result of trauma, the mind of an adult is partly stuck in childhood, this belligerent child-mind, will continue to act in irrational, counter-intuitive ways. Is this simply to gain a sense of control? The trick is to become fully grown.
If we could coax the girl to step out of the mirror, and become grown as she does, we would see a transition.
Perhaps then we could see a simple change from a mind that is likely to refute the understanding: ‘You’re being problem focused’ to that of a mind that would become ‘Solution Focused.’ The girl standing outside the mirror, would see herself clearly. The girl standing outside the mirror would switch from worry to solution. She could catch herself thinking worried thoughts – to become aware of her mind – and then give the worries simple solutions.
For example, constant mithering would be seen as fear. Fear of failure perhaps. What we fear will certainly come about if all we do is seek to empower ourselves through childish belligerence. Good advise must be seen for what it is: something to act on; never ignore. A stubborn, childish ego, can get us into all sorts of bother, if we allow it.
All in all problems must be seen for what they truly are: The ego’s solution. So the problem is not the problem but the solution. So what is the real problem? The real problem can so often be boiled down to something very simple. If the real problem is fear, the way we act is so often the ego seeking to defend, rather than solve. A therapist can work for hours with a client whose ego doggedly resists reason. The ego is seeking to defend rather than solve, because to solve the problem, implies change. A change the child despises.