Define What Matters


If you’re fortunate to live long enough, there comes a point in life when things start coming into sharp focus. I suppose you could call this maturity, and one of the markers of this state, is the realisation that not much in life really matters. 

We’re reminded over and over again that so many of the things we fuss and fret about, have, in the grand scheme of things, very little importance. Even so we carry on regardless. It’s not until we reach a certain level of maturity, do we begin to see the insignificance of so many of these things.

You might, for example, commit yourself to a job; diligently giving of your time, believing you’re investing to secure your future. Then one day you turn up for work to be told you no longer have a job. Those at the top of the food chain, having failed to pick up on and correct inherent problems within the business, have made the decision to pull the plug. This is not before they’ve managed to siphon of millions in bonuses. They’ve made sure they’ll be okay. Until the law catches up with them that is.

The irony is, as your understandings of the world start to come into sharp focus, your eyesight starts to fail. Life is full of this kind of irony yet we shouldn’t worry about that. Irony is all around when we look for it. 

One of the most stark points of focus is awareness of all the injustice and inequality in life. There’s also a growing awareness of the nonsensical and ridiculous nature of the self-centered decision making there is amongst us humans. 

As we age and grow wiser, it’s as if we spend most of our time talking to ourselves

You see the old muttering to themselves and it’s no wonder when they’ve spent years feeling like no one’s listening. Just yesterday I gave some feedback in a meeting regarding the reasons for an individual’s failure. It felt as if I was speaking a different language. I suppose in a sense I was. I commented that it wasn’t so much a matter of trust, that caused the failure of a manager to delegate, it was her insecurity that was the problem. When someone could do a job well, it constituted, a threat. A ridiculous mindset for a manager of course, and yet this was one of the things not picked up on, by her supervisor. The business is now up for sale. People seem a little afraid of the psychology behind their behaviour. Hey ho.

In life we must seek out different genres

It’s a little like how fiction eventually holds no interest for you. The books you used to read now seem childish. The answer is to change genre. And what of the people? Can you change genre in terms of those you surround yourself with. The irony is, the older you get –  in order to stay stimulated, engaged, and fully alive – the more difficult, yet important, change becomes. Ironic indeed. Live or fade away seems to be the choice.

In a sense, this is why it’s important to never fear change, even when it feels forced upon us. Those scheming, corrupt, and ultimately inept managers who’ve failed the business and you, can go fuck themselves. They don’t matter. It’s your ability to survive, with a limited degree of dependence on others, that matters. 

Waking up and smelling the coffee to human nature, as it were, doesn’t necessarily involve losing our belief in love

You might have already guessed that it really is only this that matters. Facing the reality that love must start with the self secures our future. As much as possible educate yourself. Gain understanding of your psychology, and as much as possible, find out what it is that drives you. When we can bring our drivings down to some very basic things I believe we can be happy. But it’s the realisation of what these drivings are that’s important.

For example, I understand that many of my choices and actions in the past have been down to what I will call ‘the facade.’ In other words, what I believed the world expected of me, was the driving. A belief system built on fear, guilt, and confusion. For that is what the world seems to be teaching us. Be afraid, guilty and confused, is the lesson. Through stepping out of this early we get to know how it feels to be older and wiser. 

There isn’t much that really matters when you find love from within

The byproduct of this love is the thirst it generates for knowledge. The more you love and understand about yourself the safer you become. Self-awareness awards a kind of precognition to the pros and cons of the choices you’re presented with. There are no wrongs in life, yet some of the paths you take, may have more dangers than others. The manager I spoke of earlier may have kept her job if only she’d known herself better.

So there we are, make love, knowledge and self-awareness your priorities, and the rest will fall into place.

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