Finding it Difficult to Give a Shit?


It is said that a blog (and potentially its whole purpose) is to make personal statements of opinion. Contrary to this, in some ways, in order to avoid the first person kind of narrative talking about oneself tends to produce, I have looked to make many of my blog posts non-personal. Perhaps I’ve been missing the point?

When writing, no matter the format – and whether fact or fiction – we are of course always giving away a little slice of ourselves. So including lots of ‘I think’ and ‘I believe’ is potentially what a blog should really be all about. So here’s to the point: I really am finding it difficult to give a shit!

Sad isn’t it? Some might now say: “Dude you’re depressed!” or “Perhaps you’ve just got writer’s block man” or “You’re just a contented fella with no agenda and have nothing further to add.” All would be incorrect.

The truth is, I know why I don’t give a shit, it’s because I love sleep. That’s right, I love sleep, and if I’m honest, find being awake a little bit stressful. Now don’t pretend to be confused will you? When I say I love sleep, what I mean is, I love being semi-conscious. In fact, when it comes to actual sleep, I don’t do a great deal of that. It’s probably my semi-conscious state causing this lack of tiredness. Most of the time, in order to tire myself out, and get any kind of sleep at all, I need to exercise the arse off myself. I’m currently cycling so many miles in a week that I’ve made my arshole sore. Too much information?

Let me just explain the problem with being fully awake

When fully awake I begin to gain a rather uncomfortable sense of what’s really going on. Most, in my position, would either dismiss their own observations as paranoid, or would have gotten themselves into the limelight to such an extent, that everyone else, would have labelled them insane, paranoid, or indeed both. It’s this wretched hyper-sensitivity and hyper-awareness that’s the problem. When I’m asleep I’m just like everyone else. Hyper-awareness shows me some very interesting things about human nature. When I see this I grow very angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. Bad shit happens man.

How many people do you imagine are aware of just how far we’ve come and to what extent we could free ourselves? You see, the thing is, we no longer need to be slaves to the systems we have in place. All we need to do is wake up a little and things could be very different. I could explain about power, belief systems, the rich minority et cetera, yet there would be little point. Better to just gently prompt you to ponder on something: Why would a billionaire find a shopkeeper a threat? Ponder please do.

Let’s take the issue of responsibility

The only responsibility I want is the one I owe to myself. That’s right! That might sound selfish, however, think of it this way. How would life be if we all thought the same way? I fully understand my reasons for avoiding responsibility to others. I was given adult responsibilities as a child and therefore learnt, that to take responsibility for anyone else, is a total nightmare. As a child it is. Now the problem really kicks in. Most people who bring children into the world are still children themselves (at least emotionally). In this respect most people are living a nightmare. They think having a child will either complete them and/or their relationships, or help them understand what love is. Love is something that needs to be understood before children are conceived. Children are not a commodity: something to be used as a tool to advance the self. Seeking wholeness through a vulnerable human being is abuse. We use our children all the time but hardly ever for the right reasons. We could better use children by learning from them.

No role models

Hyper-awareness also shows me something you might find interesting. We have no real role models. Who is showing us how to be fully grown and how to properly behave toward each other? Who is showing us the advantage of better taming the ego and the advantages of greater self-awareness. Even if there were such a person would anyone listen? So self-obsessed have we become, that we’ve stopped taking any notice, of what others are doing and saying. We’re all scrambling to get to the top of this illusory mountain of greatness. We’ve all been told we can all achieve greatness yet what exactly is this greatness? I don’t think any of us actually know.

The thing about improved self-awareness is, it makes us more aware, of each other

That has to be a good thing right? Taking responsibility for a child is in fact the duty all parents face. Many fail at this and we see the results. Prisons full with increased drug taking and violence. Increased problems with wayward boys on the streets carrying knives. No young man is going to have respect for anyone else and their life, when there’s no one at home demonstrating the value of this, to them. Surely that’s a simple equation? It’s not faced up to because no one knows how to gain the respect of people sufficiently for them to start listening. Nowadays, even if Jesus Christ himself were to turn up – perform a few miracles, healing and whatnot to gain people’s attention – he’d be locked up and labelled as a magician gone mad! David Blaine has seen to that! So what’s the answer? Go back to sleep? Take some pills? Continue being as deaf and blind as everyone else?

Where is the real passion?

There isn’t any is there? There’s no one out there really giving it some! I simply don’t hear any passion for the people. I don’t hear anyone demonstrating that longed for role model. I see a prince holding a protective hand around a child; he’s wearing a wedding ring on a finger, yet who else is really able to offer this kind of security to a child? Who else is at the top of the food chain to the same extent? Do we follow this as a role model? Is it not the case, that until we are all able to mature sufficiently into fully grown, fully conscious adults – offering security and love to all our children – that the majority will continue to suffer? What will it take for us to understand how to love our children?

You might think all this a bit over-the-top, if you do, it’s because you’re asleep. The next time you see one of those adverts charities put out of black, malnourished children in Africa and war torn countries, ask yourself this: What the fuck is really being done about changing the suffering of our children? Where are the leaders with love in their hearts? And why, when we find them, do we ignore them? What are we seeking to achieve?


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