“Here’s my title, what d’ya think?”
Caution: Sticky beliefs fuck you up!
“Bit extreme isn’t it?”
“I don’t think so, I’m just giving it a bit of gravitas man. You know, like that Philip Larkin poem: This be The Verse?”
“Can’t say I know it”
“Yes you do, the one that starts: “‘They fuck you up, your mum and dad’”
It’s true to say, even the first line of that particular poem can get a little sticky, if it’s a belief. When we think of it, there’s no value in believing such a thing, is there? Some might agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment, but we must bear in mind, it is a bit of a generalisation, is it not? It’s much better to say: Some parents fuck their kinds up.
That’s one of the limitations of unconscious beliefs you see, they’re generalised
In this respect, one of the first steps to unsticking a stuck belief, is to remove the generalisation. The next, easiest way to do this, is to stop the self-talk that reinforces it. For example, if when talking to friends, or anyone for that matter, we constantly recount bad experiences, we are in fact reinforcing the beliefs, borne, from such experiences. Let me explain.
It is said there’s some value in disclosure. In a therapeutic setting I would agree, however, when we have therapists disclosing their painful pasts, as a means of self-promotion, we do need to question why. It’s my humble opinion that a line must be drawn under this, or these therapists are in danger of permanently cementing, their already sticky and limiting beliefs.
In fact, through paying close attention to their language patterns, we can hear very clearly the kind of beliefs that have become sticky for people.
In this instance, listening is the method to employ, if we want to help others (and as such ourselves) unstick those nasty sticky beliefs. Let’s explain further, with this. I constantly hear someone fairly close to me saying: “It’s not my problem.” Or to be more precise (we’re all grown ups hear I hope) “It’s not my fucking problem.” “‘Ha Ha! that’s more like it”’ I hear you say.
Anyway, when we ponder on this repeated language pattern, it gets interesting. Why would someone keep saying ‘it’s not my problem?’ The chances are, this person has had a lifetime of problems, and fears the likelihood of facing more, (especially someone else’s), or . . . , has issues of taking responsibility in general. OR . . . , ! Better still, it’s not an overused phrase by her at all, and it’s me who’s hearing it because I’m the one with issues of responsibility. FUCK! See how fun analysis can be? Such fun.
Now, in all seriousness, we can help each other, and in turn help ourselves, unstick those pesky, sticky, beliefs. All we need do, is listen, be objective, apply things to oneself where necessary, (see above) and we then begin the change process.
Another repeated word or phrase
The same individual I mentioned earlier also uses the word ‘Ay?’ a lot. As in:
Me . . . “Are you aware of the degree to which you’re fucking with my head?”
Other person . . . “Ay?”
The use of this word is interesting because it reveals rather a lot. Here are the options:
- The person is deaf.
- The person is distracted.
- The person has heard you but needs to overpower you by pretending to not hear.
- The person is disinterested.
- The person finds what you say a threat (you terrify them).
- The person disbelieves they have a hearing issue.
Number six is very interesting. When communicating with such an individual, they will be finding a way to maintain their disbelief. Stay with me on this because it is important
Let’s take the example of someone who doesn’t believe they’re pretty. They disbelieve it. The belief, in other words, is missing. Every time they look in the mirror they see flaws. You know the kind of thing, spots, skin imperfections and so on. Also they might constantly find fault with their hair, body, voice, height weight it really does go on. So, in this respect, the sticky belief would potentially be: ‘I’m ugly.’
The magic, in this instance, comes once we instill the belief: ‘Beautiful!’
The way we do this is a sharp slap around the face screaming: “GET WITH THE FUCKING PROGRAM!” Or alternatively, you simply ask: “Where the fuck did you learn that? Ugly, is what a fucking Orc is, my love.”
So, back to the lack of belief or acceptance, that they have a hearing issue
Someone who’s genuinely hearing impaired (perhaps damaged when young through neglect or illness. Industrial deafness is another example) will need to be looking at you when you’re talking (lip reading is essential to the hearing impaired). Their refusal to believe their deafness may cause them to neglect the fact they must be looking at you. They may continue to look elsewhere, and all the time be wondering, why they can’t hear a word you’re saying.
In addition to this, those who refuse to believe they have a hearing problem, may well constantly repeat the word “Ay!?” It’s very annoying as I’m sure you can imagine. All we need do now though, is make them aware of how they repeatedly use the word, or get their attention before talking. Simple. Another method would be to say: “ARE YOU AWARE YOU’RE FUCKING DEAF?!” We could do the same with the pretty girl i.e: “ARE YOU AWARE YOU’RE FUCKING GORGEOUS!?”
So there we are, sticky beliefs, disclosure and methods for healing. I feel healed and I hope you do too.
P.S Just to give you an additional thing to while away a further few minutes on this beautiful, windy Sunday afternoon (UK), consider doing this:
If others disbelieve something about you, take a moment, to reverse it. For example, if you were hearing impaired and others disbelieved this – and consequently always failed to ensure they’d got your attention before speaking – ponder on whether this is because they believe what they’re saying is unimportant (it doesn’t matter if I’m heard or not), or if this is because they themselves, aren’t listening. Ay?
Welcome to my world.
P.P.S I have it on good authority that Orc’s think we humans are all ugly bastards! Get my point?