The way in which we make life harder for ourselves is extraordinary. From my own experiences I know this to be the case. We seek happiness and fulfilment, and this is often at great cost, to our peace of mind. At great cost, because instead of a calm, level-headed approach to our goals, we create turmoil through doing things that are in direct opposition to this. We go for a run and then sit down with a pint of beer. We spend a fortune with our therapist, mentor or coach, and then return home to our horribly unhealthy, toxic relationship. So it’s not the seeking happiness and fulfilment that’s the issue, it’s doing those things that upset our direction and purpose, that is.
We’re understandably driven to achieve great things and yet do so much that’s directly opposed to this. We’re often very determined to make some positive changes in our lives, but so many of us easily drift back into old, self-destructive patterns. Through this, we’re actually making life harder for ourselves. We know it on one level, yet can’t seem to stop ourselves from carrying out our little methods, for self-destruction. We could all make life so much easier for ourselves by understanding why and how we do this.
For example, think of the determination we humans often show in turning our lives around by becoming fit and well. Now think of the determination we demonstrate at achieving its opposite. We seem to require a reward for our hard work that’s ‘other’ than the goal we’re actually striving for.
You’ve been for a run (or whatever) and the rewards must be the feelings associated with this alone. Not the slice of cake or pint of beer! Confusingly, perhaps we’re drawn into creating toxic relationships. Why, when we’re working so hard to love ourselves, are we pulled towards cruel and unkind people? We seem to actively go out of our way to bring cruel and destructive people into our lives. How? Why? By focusing our minds we’re able to recognise the how and why.
Two Steps Forward
Eating that slice of cake or drinking that pint of beer is of course pleasurable, however, the next time we go for a run we’re having to fight those added few pounds. We’re having to work harder through the belief we need the sugary rewards. We’re having to fight the poison of alcohol.
Much of this reward system harks back to childhood, so we must look to put away, those things of childhood. When we do, life becomes easier. We need the abusers in our life because they potentially represent our true feelings of self-worth. In order to love ourselves fully, we must rid ourselves of the abusers, only then can we truly learn to love. It may seem hard to extinguish these people from our lives, yet we must recognise how they’re perpetuating, the problem.
Yes, be determined, and make sure your determination is directed and focused. Have goals, seek fulfilment, and more of the love life has to offer. Most importantly, notice the internal battles. Two steps forward, followed by one step back, can be extremely frustrating, and in the long term, it’s detrimental to our health. Notice the methods used for this. Remove the unnecessary rewards system and the abusers from your life. Make it easier. Grow.